Saturday, June 18, 2011

When Did I Become a Ghost?

Well...
It's officially Father's Day, Skype won't work, and I'm way behind on Blogging.
I could never be my own boss.

MY ENTIRE COMPUTER IS HAVING A MELT DOWN. I'm gonna vomit.

My life feels gross. Everything that's happening feels wrong.
Yet I'm happy?

I'm reaching that one point of maturity.
That time that some people never reach.
I hate disobeying my parents.
Doing something slightly against their rules makes me uneasy.
I don't wanna spend the night at a different persons house every night of the week.
I don't wanna be out causing a ruckus.
I don't wanna be a jobless loser.
But at the same time:
I don't wanna wake up.
I don't wanna apply myself.
I don't wanna talk.

I want to fall asleep and dream for the next few weeks.
Now don't get me wrong
I have great parents, and friends, and money, and a house, and an education.
But I feel like somewhere along the line I fucked it up.
Just a little bit.

Like when I chose to dick off instead of do homework:
Goodbye super prestigious college option.
When I chose to hang out with friends instead of fill out job applications:
Goodbye money and an important life experience.
When I chose someone or something instead of my parents:
Goodbye meaningful time with the two people who care about me the most.
When I choose to be anti-social or when I treat someone like shit:
Goodbye someone I might need later on in life.

Each day is about decisions and for some reason all I can see are the wrong ones I took.

I'm 20 days away from my 17th birthday.
Why do I feel like I've wasted 17 years?
I don't know what I want to do with my future.
I do, but I don't.
Fuck careers.
Fuck independence.
Fuck relationships.
FUCK THIS.
Why am I complaining? I haven't even shown you a funny photo this whole post.

I'm aiming to be that guy someday. A beard like that could open so many doors.

I hate people who complain about their lives. They sound downright idiotic.
I just don't know what to say.
I'm going through a phase.
I just want to do things over.

I don't want to post this, but it's the only solid thing I've written in two weeks. In fact, I've needed to say that for years now. I PROMISE I'M NOT SUICIDAL.

I'm sorry if you felt like you just wasted time reading that, but guess what?!
This is my blog and I pledged to do whatever the hell I want and not hold back.

For those of you who related to this blog post and may be suicidal:


Anyway, I have half-assed shit prepared so regular 'knee-slapping' hilarity will continue momentarily.

2 comments:

  1. You took this directly out of my brain. I know you did. It's almost disgusting how you just said everything that I've been saying since I graduated high school. On the bright side, you've only wasted 17, while I've wasted almost 20.

    Fuck bitches get money is a saying I live by.

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  2. I knew I wasn't the only one feeling this way.
    I love you, Nicole :D

    ReplyDelete