It's officially Father's Day, Skype won't work, and I'm way behind on Blogging.
I could never be my own boss.
MY ENTIRE COMPUTER IS HAVING A MELT DOWN. I'm gonna vomit.
Yet I'm happy?
I'm reaching that one point of maturity.
That time that some people never reach.
I hate disobeying my parents.
Doing something slightly against their rules makes me uneasy.
I don't wanna spend the night at a different persons house every night of the week.
I don't wanna be out causing a ruckus.
I don't wanna be a jobless loser.
But at the same time:
I don't wanna wake up.
I don't wanna apply myself.
I don't wanna talk.
I want to fall asleep and dream for the next few weeks.
Now don't get me wrong
I have great parents, and friends, and money, and a house, and an education.
But I feel like somewhere along the line I fucked it up.
Just a little bit.
Like when I chose to dick off instead of do homework:
Goodbye super prestigious college option.
When I chose to hang out with friends instead of fill out job applications:
Goodbye money and an important life experience.
When I chose someone or something instead of my parents:
Goodbye meaningful time with the two people who care about me the most.
When I choose to be anti-social or when I treat someone like shit:
Goodbye someone I might need later on in life.
Each day is about decisions and for some reason all I can see are the wrong ones I took.
I'm 20 days away from my 17th birthday.
Why do I feel like I've wasted 17 years?
I don't know what I want to do with my future.
I do, but I don't.
Fuck careers.
Fuck independence.
Fuck relationships.
FUCK THIS.
Why am I complaining? I haven't even shown you a funny photo this whole post.
I'm aiming to be that guy someday. A beard like that could open so many doors.
I hate people who complain about their lives. They sound downright idiotic.
I just don't know what to say.
I'm going through a phase.
I just want to do things over.
I don't want to post this, but it's the only solid thing I've written in two weeks. In fact, I've needed to say that for years now. I PROMISE I'M NOT SUICIDAL.
I'm sorry if you felt like you just wasted time reading that, but guess what?!
This is my blog and I pledged to do whatever the hell I want and not hold back.
For those of you who related to this blog post and may be suicidal:
You took this directly out of my brain. I know you did. It's almost disgusting how you just said everything that I've been saying since I graduated high school. On the bright side, you've only wasted 17, while I've wasted almost 20.
ReplyDeleteFuck bitches get money is a saying I live by.
I knew I wasn't the only one feeling this way.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Nicole :D